Recovering the Moon
Originally published in The Mountain Astrologer, June 1996
The invitation from The Mountain Astrologer to write an article about the Moon came in my life like a wonderful touch of humor. A week before I had started working with the powerful book "The Artist’s Way, A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity" by Julia Cameron. I was strongly determined to find out who I was after six years of devoting my energies to my two very Leo daughters. I am apparently ready to explore the hidden face of my Moon, a part of the voyage that requires awareness and faith, and I would like to share it with you.
Born with the Sun and Moon conjunct at the very end of Pisces, I completely merged in the experience of becoming a mother, with some pain and suffering, naturally. Nurturing was my new job and I was taking it very seriously even though Mars and Venus in Aquarius were screaming for just 5 minutes of freedom. I let myself feel and was totally amazed by the absolute love that linked me with my children. This was the greatest piece of Creation ever and all of me was required to protect, feed, care, raise and so on. I also felt part of the big ocean; at last I belonged to the vast group of the mothers.
But the connection with the Moon in that manner was taking me in strange realms. My mind started functioning more and more on an automatic level, quite efficiently, in fact. I was good at doing all the chores while plugging into a dreaming state or more like an empty space where my thoughts wandered endlessly. There was no room to think about myself, just time to respond to other people’s needs. So, while I was cooking, doing the laundry, picking up stuff from the floor a million times a day, I would let my thoughts drift, without grasping anything. For certain people it might sound very nice, like meditation brought to daily life . But for me it was like being in a loop. I could not hear myself think; where was I in all that chattering where worries and practical concerns would not give me a break? I was undernourished, so much into feeding others that I forgot what could bring substance to my own body! Mother Moon was swallowing me, making me believe that depriving myself was inevitable, my Mom did it before, therefore I did.
I have not yet mentioned my sexual life but how could I avoid the subject when I keep hearing the Moon whisper, "Come on, be personal, talk about anything that feels intimate, besides you are French, you are supposed to be liberated about sex." Intimacy and sex are evidently a big piece of my puzzle. In my marriage it seems that I got distracted pretty early on from my quest to understand the real meaning of intimacy. When I fell in love with this cute American guy who came so far to get me, sex was our favorite way to explore each other’s world until pregnancy struck me 3 months after we met. Mother Moon then started to initiate me into another realm of intimacy that took all of my will and my libido. I guess my Moon in Pisces was just not going to compromise; she was teaching me her favorite tune, sacrifice with a pinch of "poor me" attitude. But when I was chosen again 2 years later to grow another little angel in my tummy, I almost gave up on sexual expression because I was just too tired, too busy and honestly very satisfied sensually by touching and cuddling my babies. Sex became "the challenge" in my relationship with my husband and therefore, frustration put aside, a good reason to work together to see what we could learn from it.
Then weaning after weaning, transit after transit, it was time to reflect upon myself. My Leo girls had discovered each other and the thrill of playing together. I found myself sitting down more often, feeling the acute need for being fulfilled. What a step it was to feel this longing for being a round, Full Moon able to reflect the powerful light of the Sun. The Moon was finally showing a side of herself that was so sweet and caring about my feelings. Waves of Life started to rise inside my body and my mind, bringing little by little more fluidity and moisture. When Saturn transited my Sun and Moon, the commitment to take care of myself gradually became integrated.
And what about sex, I hear you say. That’s a much longer story and sorry, you won’t read my latest erotic novel here. But what I want to share, though, is my discovery of the erotic Moon. Who do you know who can claim that they were well nourished on the erotic level? Can you say that you were prepared to live a healthy sex life? Were you taught to enjoy touching and being touched, giving and receiving, listening and responding on the physical level? No, we have been starving since we were taught how sinful it is to enjoy touch, being naked or validate pleasures of the flesh. The erotic Moon is a dark, aborted place in our psyche, a collective distortion that undermines our creative power. She is the shadow of the Mother Moon or maybe it is the other way around. They fight on the same battlefield, the mysterious grotto where babies are conceived and pleasure explodes, where excruciating pain and ultimate delight take turns, to give birth or to play with Eros. They both have something in common though, sensuality…which brings them to reconciliation when it is time.
I believe some women know instinctively how to live with those two aspects of the Moon. I belong to the group of those who need to learn how to make them dance together, gently following the lead of the inventor in ourselves, trusting that there is a personal way to express who we are (did Uranus, freshly aquarian suggest that one?). That is precisely what I had lost along my path, the knowing that my instincts for pleasure were valid and also unique in their color, shape, and taste. I had to make myself right about exploring my ability to plug myself into the infinite pool of images and fantasies. I had to be a pioneer in my own land of delight. I was discovering the power of a more mature Moon. And as I watched myself express my needs, acknowledge my feelings on a regular basis and desire pleasure for my own fulfillment…I understood the word Creativity.
Creativity is a total mystery and should stay that way. It is like contemplating your lover with excitement and trepidation, not knowing where love making is going to take you this time. The fuel for Creativity is the tension, the desire to open ourselves to something bigger, the yearning to connect with the Source of infinite possibilities. Let me recommend again Julia Cameron’s book that I mentioned earlier in this article. She will take you step by step through the intense and fun process of discovering your Art and letting it flourish. Her guidance has been invaluable for me.
What is exciting for me at this point is to give you some very practical suggestions to help you discover within yourself the gift that a healthy, nurtured Moon can be. The Moon is like the soil of our being, the dirt from which a garden can grow and it is our body, our mind and our soul that provides the recipient, the light and the food. It is up to us to create the right conditions for our Moon to reveal her true power, her infinite potential of growth within each of us.
The first vital ingredient, I believe, is Time. The Moon has a very good sense of time, she moves and changes shape as her cycle evolves. She teaches us how to live according to a pattern of time that repeats itself endlessly but within the changes that seasons, and consequently, zodiacal signs bring. Being aware of the cycles of the Moon is feeling the waves of changing Energy within ourselves as well as outside, the energy that is developed from the point of birth, the New Moon, ascending toward clarity and vision at the Full Moon, and spreading the seeds of comprehension and action as the Moon returns to a new conception. This observation alone teaches us the relentless capacity of the Moon to raise energy for the purpose of bringing things to life. And so can we.
Let me suggest that you make yourself a blank calendar for each month that shows the voyage of the Moon, her different phases and the degrees of the sign where they occur. (Checking the Sabian symbol might also inspire you.) Keep the calendar on your desk and fill up the spaces with notes about your own voyage through time. For example, New Moon: What marking event is taking place? What is being conceived inside of you at this time? First quarter: What’s growing inside of you? Where do you want it to go? Full Moon: Do you see more clearly? What’s the vision at this point and its relationship with the seed that was planted at the New Moon? Waning Moon: How can you consciously go further, share with the world what you’ve discovered and prepare for a new cycle? Give yourself several months to ride those waves of lunar energy and describe in detail how you feel about what’s going on. You are starting to experience the Flow, the awareness of movement in your body and mind that echoes the natural rhythm of the Moon.
This notion of Flow is very important. Think how much tension, blockage and stiffness clog our capacity to accept the inevitability of change. Saturn easily pairs up with the Moon to create habits and behaviors that limit ourselves, that make us believe that we cannot survive outside the safety of what is already edified .
Take a pen and a piece of paper and start writing about your habits. Do you have a lot of preferred ways to do things or do you like change? Do you always keep your furniture in the same place when you’ve found the proper arrangement? Do you like to explore how it feels when you try to brush your teeth with the other hand? Observe and write how much you really need to cling to one habit or another and where in your life you could take the risk to alter the succession of well-known motions. Try it, be aware of just one little thing a day and notice how it makes you feel.
Yes, feeling is the way to the Moon. And if you want to start conversing with your Moon, get in the habit of asking yourself often, "How do I feel right now?" One of the major transforming activities that I started to practice every day is to write three pages of anything that goes through my mind. When I sit at my table to do it, time stops, or rather stretches out like a big bubble, and I start gently to clean up my thoughts by allowing the stream of the words to bring them out on paper. The process of writing releases ideas that are ripe, ready to be expressed and ready to be let go of. The next thing I know, new ideas, fresh and surprising, pop into my mind. Again, it has to do with the Flow, the mental circulation that puts us in contact with the Source of all matters of the mind.
Now I also believe that the Flow needs to be established at the physical level and on a regular basis. Unfortunately, we tend to think quantity instead of quality. "If I go to the gym 3 times a week I will have completed my contract for a healthier life." Yes, on a certain level, but not on the level of the Moon because she is asking to be emotionally nourished, to feel, rather than just do. I have had so many healthy routines in my life that included a good diet, a good workout and a solid commitment (Saturn was watching ), yet in the long run I would rebel and find a reason to quit. Because the commitment that the Moon was asking for was toward self satisfaction, not just dry and painful discipline.
There was no routine of pure pleasure in my life, no time dedicated to my selfish need for fun. How much time do you give yourself every day for the nourishment of your Moon? What do you consider "quality time" in your life right now and do you truly enjoy it? So please sit down and start writing about things you would like to do, just for yourself and maybe just by yourself because other people don’t necessarily have the same idea of fun, right? Brainstorm, don’t censor yourself, this is just between you and your Moon. And start making up a routine that includes on a daily basis one or more of the items that follows: taking a bubble bath, singing along with one of your favorite CDs, reading a book, dancing naked…anything but collapsing in front of the tube. It is crucial that this activity carries novelty because our Moon can apparently be pretty content with habitual, safe behaviors that put us into unconsciousness. Don’t forget that we are explorers, astronauts on our way to the hidden side of the Moon.
I would like to suggest a couple of exercises that helped me tremendously on my journey.
TONING is the first one; it is a dynamic way to relax using your own voice to open your being to a greater vibration. Stand in a quiet place with some space around you and start swinging gently, switching your weight from one leg to the other. Bend your knees comfortably and feel the weight of your body drop in your pelvic bone. Close your eyes, unless you feel dizzy, and rock yourself slowly while resting your right hand on your stomach (physical connection with the Moon) and the left one bent, elbow against your side and palm turned up to the sky. Your left hand is the receptive one that opens the channel to the ever flowing source of energy. Continuing the rocking, start sighing and breathing, soothing your whole body. You are becoming the Mother-Moon, caring and unconditionally loving, and at the same time you are the needy Moon, abandoned and trusting. When you feel like it, start doing sounds, taking the time to slowly inhale afterward in order to draw back the energy inside of you. Explore all the possibilities in close connection with your feelings, rather than wanting to analyze, criticize or interfere with your mind. Let yourself be massaged inside by every sound. This is not a performance, it is about receiving the gentle caress of the Moon. Allow yourself to dilate different parts of your body while singing. Let your head move gently, your hips amplify the swinging, your jaw relax and let go of any tension . You will notice that your mouth, jaw, tongue and throat have a lot to do with feeling the vibration of the sound lower in your chest and all the way down through your legs. It is a wonderful feeling to be alive physically in such a whole manner. There will be a point when you feel complete and you can slowly open your eyes, stop the rocking and take a minute or two to feel the sensations in your body. Discover what you can do next with this unusual fluidity. You can also do this exercise in your shower, standing under the stream of water for more privacy (and better acoustics).
MEDITATION is also an invaluable tool for getting in contact with a grander place within ourselves. Ten minutes a day is all you need to "concentrate" on…nothing. Follow your breathing, make your exhalations longer and lighter. If thoughts start invading your head, and they will, bring yourself back to the movement of your tummy while breathing. Let go of any analysis of the process, if you can (if you can’t, give yourself time) or judgments about how well you are doing. Relax into the Focus (I know it sounds paradoxical). Bring yourself back to your breathing or any specific body sensation no matter how many times you catch yourself wandering a million miles away from home. Practicing every day brings me a very enjoyable feeling of giving myself a date when I rest close to myself, ready to meet with the Unknown. It’s the only time in my day when I declare that it is OK not to do, think, or "buzz" about anything. This is the experience of the Flow in your body, mind, and spirit, all at once.
I suggest also that you create something with your hands that is dedicated to the recovery of your Moon. It can be growing some seeds in a pot and watching how they develop day after day, as though it was your own inner garden that you are caring for. It can also be an altar, where you bring objects, smells, pictures, food for the nourishment of yourself. It can be a scrap book celebrating your past memories, accomplishments, lovers, adventures, inspiring people, compliments offered to you… anything that is a summary of all the wonderful things about you. This is about connecting with the part of yourself where all the facets of the Moon are getting together for a party! In fact, it is a potluck and they are asking you to bring a dish. Think about several foods that you used to be crazy about when you were a child. Choose your favorite and promise yourself to make it in the next few days.
One more important thing: take care of your environment. You know, your own little world like your bedroom, bathroom or any other place where you spend time recharging yourself. Several months ago I moved my bedroom into the office and vice versa. I was strongly directed inside to make this change. Since then the bedroom has become a little nest with a delicious playful energy and the office is spacious, light and totally supportive of our work.
Your environment is also the people that you choose to have around you. Watch them react to the changes that you are bringing in your life. Are they supportive and enjoying your spirit of adventure? Or doubtful and concerned about how successful it is going to be? Seek the company of friends who nurture you, or inspire you. Learn to make the distinction in yourself and stand for what you value in your life.
This brings me to my conclusion. When the Moon starts to regain her power within us, there is a beautiful choreography that is put into motion, our Chart starts to dance and sing at its full potential. When the Moon is strong Saturn manifests the right structures for us to build on; when our needs are clear Venus stands up for them and shows us the way to healthier relationships; when we listen to what the Moon whispers, Mars is right there to give us the courage and conviction to put those new ideas into action; when we learn how to relax physically, Jupiter makes our mind expand and Meaning appears. And so it is for the rest of the planets.
The Moon then becomes the most reliable source of nurturance for us to live our incarnation and to let our Sun be a meaningful light in the Universe.
Danick Jawer Bio: Danick Jawer, a native of Grenoble, France has been in the US since 1989 and is now living in Seattle, Washington. She has studied Astrology in France with the Network of Humanistic Astrologers and teaches in Europe with her husband Jeff. Danick is a Feng Shui and Energy Clearing consultant
(425)883-8062 or by email at Danick@stariq.com.